Monday, 1 April 2013

Chapter 8: Homeward Bound

My first few days at home passed before I knew it. An appointment had been arranged with the district nurses to have my staples removed. I was looking forward to this because it meant I could concentrate on my recovery. My time at home was a struggle I was unable to do anything for myself. Kerri had to wash me and shower me, cook, clean, look after Emily and herself. which I know I go on about it she was 37 weeks pregnant at this point. Getting in and out of the shower was very painful. Even walking was painful getting up and down the stairs was a nightmare. I was on morphine, painkillers and codeine but it just didn’t help at all.

The day came for me to have my staples removed, by this point the staples had been in for 10 days. I turned up at the district nurses and sat in the waiting room with butterflies in my stomach, looking forward to being able to concentrate on my recovery. Kerri sat beside me holding my hand asking how I was feeling. I said I was ok. The nurse called me in and I went into the treatment room and lay on her bed. She told me what was going to happen. I remember asking her if it would hurt. She said no.

She removed my staples from my horizontal wound under my stomach no problem I didn’t even flinch, didn’t even feel it. The scar itself was bright purple approx 9 – 10inches in length. She then started on my vertical wound. The scar I should never have had, the scar that nearly killed me and ended my life. The top staple came out then the next so on and so forth. She got about half way down then all of sudden the scar started to part, a small hole appeared you could stick your finger in. She finished taking the staples out and it parted like the red sea. I was gobsmacked, i felt sick.

The inside of my stomach was staring at me my stomach was wide open, I could see my insides. I felt light headed and sick and very faint. The nurse said the colour just drained out of me. She went to get oxygen for me I was hyperventilating. I couldn’t stop looking at it. I thought the worst stuff that could happen to me had happened. It would appear not.

I lay there with oxygen on mask on tears rolling down my face. I thought my recovery could begin. This was a massive set back for me and for Kerri.

The nurse cleaned my wound with sterile water and packed it with gores, a tissue like material. She then put a big plaster on it to keep it covered. She said the staples hadnt been inserted properly that the skin is meant to overlap and this hadnt been done.

The drive home was a quiet one me or Kerri didn’t speak all the way home. We walked into our house where Emily and Kerri’s family were. I stood in the kitchen and I couldn’t stop it and I cried another set back had come upon me. How could my situation get any worse? A simple hernia operation had nearly killed me, left me with a 10 inch scar running both vertically and horizontally across my stomach. I had to learn to walk again. On top of all this Kerri had to deal with all this whilst 37 weeks pregnant.

My condition had gone downward again. I stood in the kitchen sobbing with Kerri. Was I being punished for something, did the big guy upstairs not like me.

Why was this happening to me?

My mood deteriorated in the kitchen I wanted to run into the main road outside and get hit by a bus. How could it be any worse at this stage for me!

Chapter 9: the recovery begins all over again (published soon)

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